***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
