I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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