I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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