I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
