I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she smelled like a LAN party
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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