So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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