Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
