I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
