if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
