So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
