so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
