Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
50% drunk capacity currently
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
