Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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