My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
