the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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