You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
