You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
