Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
