is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
