Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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