I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize