The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
