Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
