Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
