just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she told me i tasted like america
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
