uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
