i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
