Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
