the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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