God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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