Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
