i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
