You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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