1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
