and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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