First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's blow job season.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
