I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
