Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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