That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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