HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
