Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
