I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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