god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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