first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
tell me about the eggs
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