my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
