Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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