So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
