He is such a slut. More and more my type.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
