You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I see more hoeing in ur future
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