Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
