he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
