Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just google imaged poop.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
