How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
