I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
