I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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