He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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