Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
