We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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