i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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