toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my shit smells like andre
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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