I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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