I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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