This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
