carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
