how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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