I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
